just a little bit of history, i used to be the founder of Andartu Care Club - it was a 'cool thing' to form alliance back then. and at that age, instead of being more 'oestrogeneous', i was more 'testosterone-ish', running more feministic campaigns in protecting the girls back then from heartaches.

as years drew by, the club did not make it far. last year, i decided to strike off my dear joanne from my andartu list. *no offence. we still love her of course. but it is not nice anymore to have her as 'andartu'*

just few days before 2012, another member of ours is about to get married next year!






i was genuinely delighted when kelv, the pinny's hubby, broke the news. my mouth and throat turned unexplanably itchy when i was forbidden to disclose the secret. i did as what i was ordered. but only for a couple of days before spilling to kelv's close buddy.

it has been a fabulous love journey i feel really honoured to witness how pinny was dreamily infatuated to kelv back in high school, and became close buddy for a couple of years before turning into lovebird for a total of 7 long years. i watched them grow and bud and i want to watch them multiply toooooo... (not the process, the product(s) will suffice. thankyouverymuch)

i also felt incredibly privileged to be one of the few masterminds in planning the surprise dinner at tanzini @ g tower, kuala lumpur.

my responsibility was just to cheat and lie for a week, as well as to ensure smooth operation of cheating and lying among the friends. the lie was simple: i had 8 f&b vouchers from tanzini with 40% discount... from my sister's year-end-perk.

pinny bought it. she was clouded immensely by the great discount. no suspicion at all. just pure excitement towards the awesome food discount.

so... then, that day she finally ended as mrs kan pinny.




*** **** *** ***

the (strange) trend nowadays is, the newly-weds are getting younger. people nowadays are getting married as early as our parents' era. my doubt is: is it the time already to be wedded/ to wed in mid 20's?

historically, due to the more conservative and traditional culture, the older generation was obliged to marry at least by 25. from previous experiences from most women who marry young (including my mother), marrying young seemed like a discouraging idea.

reasons could vary from:
1. unstable income and career
2. commitment at a young age can be an obligation that turns to reluctance and remorse by day
3. having kid(s) could be a little hindrance to things some women may want to achieve.. ie. failure to juggle work/ family balance
4. body shape run out of proportion quicker
5. older, saggy, more wrinkled

hence since young i was sort of programmed, that i vowed not to get married before 29. and i have prepared a long list of things to do before i have my own family. ie. travel, swim with sharks and mr besar, that kind of stuffs.

of course i have also seen so many success stories for those who marry young and are able to juggle between accomplishment and family duties.

a wise word came from someone who married young: "sooner or later we will be married, might as well now... finance stability and life achievement can never be fulfilled after all, because of our ever constantly increasing expectations on our lives... we will never be ready actually... even when you hit 30, you will still be unprepared, or so you THINK."

well... my say would be, a marriage is more than just an official union between a couple. realistically speaking, marriage, in a sad way, is greatly associated with money.

we need money to plan for a wedding banquet, wedding dress, wedding photography... there goes an exhaustive list. and that, is just the surface for a marriage.

the real issue only starts after the wedding dinner and the wedding pictures after liked by 573 facebook friends. and reality says hi with dwindling numbers in the bank account after the sweet (sweetest) honeymoon trip from maldives. (tips: pick the best honeymoon spot or else there might be none thereafter)
screw the lives of our generation for having properties costing at least rm500k. our dear government did lend a so-called helping hand by lowering the ceiling price of some properties, but at places like putrajaya, wangsa maju, cyberjaya...and some god-knows-where-places.

speaking from my current experience of staying afar from everywhere else, i wish my home would be at the most strategic point of a city where at least our workplaces are in vicinity. traveling less miles could lengthen the time of stay at home to sleep or to make babies. either way, in a nutshell, the location of the new home has got to be strategic. and for that, there is a price to pay!

after forking out for downpayment which is roughly 10% of total cost, i am not sure what else we would have left. the 'we' i am speaking is due to the rising needs of having domestic partnership for a household. not forgetting, the monthly instalments and renovation and furnitures after.

we have heavenly-created loans. by how long more are we able to get out from the burden of paying off loans? just for a house. in conjuction with that, say, a car loan, study loan, insurance... how is it going to be possible to save up for our progeny!

it would be surely possible with the aid from the parents, or probably working for the NFC lah.



nothing is more delightful than having a positive UPT, especially a post stable marriage. having kid(s) is not like an investment. because we do not hope for anything return. i would say when a home minus the in-laws and my family, having a kid is the greatest continuation adding on colours and purposes in one's marriage.

but babies are sooooooooooo costly.

thank God for the increasing awareness of breastfeeding. let's pray hard the baby is not allergic to the mother's milk, breastfeeding by going au naturel does cut a big portion of expenditures.

expenses for the baby are just going to be the 0.01% only. then, here we are having to consider about, baby's insurance, and asian parents' main concern - education! let's get real, if we were still in this country long enough, would we send them to the public school like how we have been through - dictator-ish education style with teachers who serve more dedicatedly as baby vending machines? if we could afford, we are beginning to consider private/international schooling, and then college in the oversea.

i am not motherly yet. but i would naturally try to give the best for the kid(s) and try to refrain them from what i have been through from my slightly more stereotypical chinese family upbringing. (my dad had issue of me going to study and then work in australia just because im a daughter and i would be married someday - hence imu. my dad also had issue of me wanting to pursue for chiropractic courses because chiropractic is uncommon and he sees chiropractor as a masseur -.- - hence pharmacy)

back on track, this is a realistic commitment upon starting a family. and rather unavoidable.


we need a life. a purposeful one. an enriching one. we cant be just working to pay off the debts and for baby diapers. we still need time to be pampered for once.

i have caught on the travelling-addiction bugs. and i would love to lead a life being able to afford in travelling. i want to lie naked, despite stretch marks and cellulites, on the beach of croatia with my husband. i want to spend a month in bali. realistically, travel consumes a lot of money, but is also worth saving up for.


in conclusion, money is like the catalyst of a marriage. partnership/ compatibility is the substract; love is the enzyme; and the reaction is a happy marriage.

my question is: how do all these young newly weds cope financially from just two to three years of working?


yes, money is not everything. but it is surely something in a marriage!



ps. i hope i dont sound bitter in any way about young newly-weds. aiyoh... im so excited for jojo's wedding in feb. and for pinny's ... in near future!!!

pss. there is also a fine line between materialism and realism. and i am speaking about the latter.

Labels: mummy mei wen says...